Well.... this is my first posting. So many things are hapenning in my life that I feel the need to just pen it down ... or else I'll just lose it. Not sure why I need to have this recorded? Is it because I want to forever remember the pain or perhaps... the joy. Hmmm... I would like to think that its the latter.

I'm at a point of my life where I am confused and unsure how it should go. Don't get me wrong. I know what I want... well... sort of. Unfortunately these involved another party to have this things work.

Let me start from the beginning.
12th Dec 2005
I called me ex after many many many yrs (Believe me... it has been YEARS!) After all the formalities, I just told him that I needed his help. There was silence. No worries, it does not involved money nor sacrifices, I told him. I just needed him to have my closure! I told him I need to know what had happened to us. It seemed as much as I tried to move on, I can't. I realised that I was always comparing all the guys with him. As much as I told my friends that I've moved on... deep deep inside I knew that I have not. He will always have a special spot in my life - always.

At the moment, there's someone who is showing an interest in me. Nothing is happening. But it made me realised that in order for me to be able to get into ANY relationship, I HAVE to have my closure with him.

Ok... here where it got complicated.
When I called him, I thought there would be more denial and aloofness. I have to say that I was surprised at what he had to say. Although my sixth sense told me that he is not over me...:-D I thought I was just being 'thick skinned' and... 'OVER' .

Well, that day he confirmed it! He was surprised that I needed a closure. He told me that the day he found out that I started dating... he was heartbroken and thought I HAD my closure. He hated me then and jsut didn't want to have anything to do with me. He said if truth be told I was the best thing that happened in his life. The best! Ahhhh....

In a recent interviewed that he did in the local paper, he confirmed that he has someone special in his life but had difficulty maintaining the relationship as he was not able to give her a 'kepastian' , confirmation(?). And that he is going through a hard time with her.

When I read the paper then... I have to say I was sad and also a tinge of happiness (liar!!) that he finally found someone special.

Guess what?! Apparently I was the person that he was referring to in the paper duh! When he told me... everything changed!

...to be continued